Daily Writing, Day 3

August 09, 2018  •  Leave a Comment

Day 3.

“Know that you can start late, look different, be uncertain, and still succeed.”

(I’m just picking quotes that inspire me to write about something I relate to.)

I used to feel that I needed to look a certain way to own a business/be successful at it. Unfortunately, social media tends to provide us with the illusion that being ourselves is not “good enough”, I see beautiful women running a business with what many consider the “perfect” everything + I can’t deny that I had found myself in a bit of a cycle of wishing that I was someone else to sell myself better without the realization that everyone in their own way is beautiful + that authenticity is something we should strive for.

It also came with the realization that although many women on social media seem to have everything, we all face battles and sometimes the women in which I look at and think “they’re perfect” are really trapped by feeling like they have to adhere to a certain standard or status that actually rips their individualism away from them.

I had thought things like: they have a better home than I do, they are prettier than I am, they have better teeth than I do – I was cursed with a mouth of bad teeth, many of you may have even noticed that I am missing a tooth, which is one of my BIGGEST insecurities about my appearance. If ever I find myself swimming in the dough, the first thing I would fix is my teeth.

But honestly, through looking at social media profiles that gave me the feeling of not being enough I realized that what many of the quote on quote “picture perfect” profiles were missing was a bit of humility.

And more importantly: comparison is the killer of creativity. 

I’m not bashing a brand, obviously, because for the longest time I had wanted to be them and do what they’re doing, so of course I commend these women in the social media industry killing their brand. But I realized that while I wanted a certain thing, the reason it was so difficult for me to obtain is because: it wasn’t me.

I’ve never cared about status and I still don’t.

When I was in high school, I was considered “rebellious” + I remember one time I had been in trouble + a teacher came in to the conference + she said “Crystal’s problem is not that she is a bad kid, it’s that she feels that she must always fight anything that she sees as an injustice.”

I will never forget that, ever. Because most of the time I had felt “misunderstood” at that time in my life + then here came this teacher, who btw was my art teacher (holla!), who seemed to “get it”.

The reason I was in the office that day was because two kids were making fun of another kid in the class, a person who would have never stood up for themselves in that situation + I, at the time (+ really still don’t, but I’m much more reserved in my thirties) had ZERO tolerance for bullying, so I did something about it because no one else was.

I ended up getting suspended from school.

I don’t think I’ve ever been the person that followed a standard that was comfortable or accepted by the masses. I have been through the wringer + have lived through things that have helped me to be a more accepting + open person.

So why was I trying to combat that my “brand” is not perfect because: I’m not perfect.

I do want to give more of myself to you guys because I know that when you meet me in person, you see that I am a laid-back gal, am honest, open, occasionally a bit funny (or, I think I am anyway, lol), and I would do anything for anyone, most of the time. I care about what you want, I care about my performance on your event, I want the best for you but lately I have felt a bit like a hypocrite hiding behind a camera, because I believe that everyone I photograph is beautiful + I love sharing pictures of them, but I seldom take the time to personalize my presence for you + give you more of myself.

Anyway, this long blog post was intended to tell you that I am going to start doing that.





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